あきらめられないこい

If I don’t meet him today, I will stop liking him.

That was what had always been lingering her head every day in these past few months. Winter had been cruel, forcing her to stay under her blanket for more than 30 minutes after she woke up in the morning. So on those times she had made a wish. She wanted to meet him. Every day. Every single day.

He was her classmates. They attended few classes together. They talked and shared jokes in the class, often to be scolded by the teacher. He was always nice to her, so she assumed he liked her, too. And surely she liked him, but a bit too much.

So her wish had been granted in the whole winter. Even when they had no class together, they would still bump into each other in random places. Library. School cafeteria. Elevator on the building. Bicycle park. Stairs. The universe even made them met once in a supermarket when she did her grocery shopping, and for her that unimportant event felt magical.

Spring came. So their classes together were over, too. The new term sure gave them some chances to have the same classes, but she had her luck run out. He finished his credit so he didn’t have to take a class, only needed to finish his thesis which he did in his lab. And he ended up not taking one. The universe also seemed to be tired to cast its magic to make them meet in the random places. She had her luck run out, completely.

But she didn’t give up. She tried to make her own chance. She knew he lived close to school, facing the direction of the school library. He would definitely took the path across the library to go to his lab. Their school library was a big 4-stories tall building with transparent glasses windows in its sides. So there she was, every day. In the library. Facing the direction of his path to lab. Wishing to see him.

So she changed her wish.

If I don’t see him today, I will stop liking him.

And she would say it every day, under her blanket. Even if the universe had obviously begged her to stop liking him.

 

** February, 2016. Tokyo Tech cheese cake building.

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